Christmas breakdown

Guide to Christmas day:

1. Start morning by going for jolly Christmas jog. Avoid eye contact with passers by whether they be pedestrians or in vehicles. I fear there is a general disapproval of people who jog on Christmas day stemming from popular belief it is an occasion reserved purely for drinking, eating and being merry. NEWS FLASH common folk; some of us are merry when jogging and have a pact with them selves to uphold. Give a nod of appreciation to the fellow jogger you pass - two crazy people on Christmas morn is better than one. 
2. Hastily make tea for mother upon returning home. Failure to make tea before run did not go un-noticed. 
3. Pile on to mothers bed with sisters. Open stocking making exaggerated noises of delight. Debate over which new bra and pants set is most appropriate for Christmas. Cream wins over black flowery. Proceed to shower after which make self pretty for inevitable selfies to follow later.
4. Read entirety of it, by Alexa Chung gifted to you by your sister. Make mental note to mention the book on your blog. Here is my mention- it is a very enjoyable read filled with insight into Chungs life inc. inspirational people and style icons. Particularly fond of photos and sketches (are these all drawn by her?) Fun and self depreciating humour. Why do people like people who are self depreciating so much? Is self depreciating a set phrase because it sounds weird in my head.
5. Endure annual Christmas kick-off fro mother. Handle by retreating upstairs and momentarily be dramatic and pissy. Let self be cheered up by sister playing ukulele, join in with sing-along.
6. Take many selfies with sisters
7. Sleep as a way of self preservation from pre dinner wait hunger pains. Always multiply estimated time of dinner service by 1.5. E.g. dinner is expected at three? Mentally prepare yourself for four to avoid disappointment. 
8. Eat food nomnomnom.
9. Wash up straight away to avoid return of kick-off Kermit aka Mother. Sit with fam and watch trashy Christmas tv. hahaha hohoho etc.
10. Document Christmas festivities on camera. This will always include an up-the-nose-shot selfie.

In the Chorus

This is a lovely photo of me and my lil sis sat having coffee outside a Pret on The Strand, London. I love this photo for a number of reasons; firstly it was taken by my sister on a disposable camera hence the grainy quality, secondly Eve and I both look really happy, and thirdly -perhaps my favourite reason - is that guy knocking back that can of drink behind me.
Just think of all the photos of strangers you treasure. Ever wonder who the old woman in the background of your fave holiday pic is? Like this guy in my photo, what is his agenda? Is he pouring that drink down his throat so he can dispose of the can in the bin behind my shoulder? Was he just really thirsty? I don't know the first thing about him and yet there he is, captured in my family photo, he has become a part of my history, he passed through my life and here is the evidence documented forever.

For me the thought of being captured in the back of someone's photo is great fun. I must be caught in hundreds of tourist pics of Lincoln Cathedral as I march too and from work or college. (Probs looking really flustered after running up Steep Hill, yes you read that right, there is a hill called Steep Hill and it is really steep, it has a hand rail fgs.) One thought that particularly pleases me is the fact that I'm stood at the back of the room in a coffee stained shirt in some couples wedding photos.

The thing is, you never know when you're going to be asked to hold the doors open for a bride one day at work. You never know if you're gonna have diluted coffee sloshed all over you by a kitchen porter on that same day. You never know if a picture of you from that day has ended up on someone's mantle piece. You never know if that photo will be shown to someone's grandkids, put in wedding anniversary cards, cried over, ripped up, treasured forever.
It would be nice if we could look great every day right? We could look beautiful in all these peoples lives we're caught in. They might whack out their photo album saying "hey you gotta see this pic from our wedding with a really gorgeous girl in the background!" That would be fab but let's be honest, who has the time to look great every day? I will look like me everyday, because even if I look delicious when  I leave the house, the chances are I'll be pulling a weird face in the photo.

Tis the Season

Nothing says Christmas more than crowds of normally fashion conscious dressers donning their most ridiculous Christmas jumper. My personal faves are those which have built in Christmas stockings, flashing lights and a liberal helping of pompoms. This is Christmas. The time to go all out, et personellement, je suis chaud for wearing a jumper lined with rows of snowmen, especially when paired with leather shorts. 

Christmas dressing is fun. From the start of December it becomes acceptable to have small trees dangling from your ears, wear tinsel in your hair and jumpers ft. an old fat man with beard. This is not the norm and yet it is normal. This time of year there's always going to be someone grumbling that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost but lemme ask you one thing - is this not Christmas cheer we see on our high streets? Is the light dusting of glitter that seams layer every surface not enough? Let us enjoy Christmas with those that are most important to us and we'll all wear Christmas jumpers and listen to carols because I think right now Crimbo is a time to appreciate what you have and throw a big party. 

Deck the Hems

Finding the perfect Christmas party dress is real fun even if, like me, you have no intention of buying any of the clothes you try on due to diminished monetary funds.

This year in particular the dresses on sale are right up my street. Most shops look like someone's projectile vommed sequins and glitter everywhere which selon moi is a good thing. 
I must admit, despite showing promise earlier in the year River Island was slightly disappointing on my quest for dresses. Maybe this is just the case in little Lincoln, but the wide range of sparkly body-con midi's which lined the shop a month ago have now been replaced by coats and jumpers. Mostly very pretty coats and jumpers but still doesn't make them a dress.
H&M on the other hand was like a treasure trove of sparkly skirts, leggings and dresses. Hurrah! I said until I tried the dresses on and they hardly covered my arse. I'm never one to shy away from a short dress but having half one's bum cheeks showing is just a step too far. Whilst decreasing the amount of material used may account for their low prices I'd rather actually fit in to your dresses h&m hun! Don't want Destiny's child getting all "Nasty put some clothes on" on me, which btw I totes don't agree with that song. Stop all the girl on girl hate Bey, I thought better of you.
It was Topshop which delivered the good for me, but also gave me some inspo for Christmas dressing on a budget. The little white number in the picture was pretty ill fitting (soz I don't have an hour glass figure Topshop) but have you clocked the white feathery fluff round the hem? So what I'm going to do is get myself a load of fluffy feathers from and tack them to the hem of all my dresses. Thus shouldn't take too long and will deffo be a lot cheaper than spending £50 on a dress which has pretty mch just had the same thing done to it. What's more, the feathers can easily be removed when Christmas is over, if you want to that is...

Running in to 2015

I have decided to set myself the challenge of running at least a mile a day until the end of 2014.
The picture on the left is me about to go for a run to illustrate the point. Notice the trainers and two layers of thermal top which were soon covered by (my sisters oops) florescent running jacket. These British climes are cold and I am like a delicate flower who's fingers turn yellow if they're not warm, true fact.

I'm not really one for New Years resolutions. As a realist, the idea of thinking your whole life will change just because you've bought a new calendar seams a bit ridiculous; sometimes people's delirium makes me want to cry srsly. This said, everyone is definitely capable of making changes in their life, why not just do it today rather than waiting to the start of a week, or month or year. Hun, your ability to succeed is not gonna change because the date is the 1st.

So today, on Tuesday the 9th of December 2014 I went for a run for the second day in a row and will continue on my run-athon for 22 more days. Ngl, this is going to be very tricky not least because of my busy schedule. Already I am questioning the legitimacy of this quest, for example, where am I meant to fit in a minimum of a mile of running this Friday when I'm working 13 hours? Do I go running before starting work at 9, run home at midnight or squeeze one in the 1 hour 45mins between shifts?
The weather is also an issue. I'm not too bothered by the cold because actually, running is warmer than being sat in the house. Y'know, you come home all hot and sweaty (tmi?) and the heating seams a bit unbearable for a bit then you jump in a hot shower and get all wrapped up in your pj's and snuggle in bed and soon you've forgotten about how cold your hands were! I am however slightly concerned about ice and snow and freezing rain because that stuff ain't pleasant. Also not great friends with wind, I spent my whole run today running into a strong head wind which makes life a lot harder AND makes it difficult to hear your music; double bummer.

Despite the many obstacles in my way, I'm determined to complete this challenge, just as I gave up sugar at the end of last year (should probs start that again tbh because my skin was radiant darling). So if you catch me running home at midnight on Friday, or on a jolly Christmas day please show your support! We'll pretend all those van drivers heckling from their windows are readers of this blog shall we and not appreciators of my afore mentioned heavenly backside. Soz but never gonna let that one goo.    
 

Victoria Can't Keep a Secret

It's definitely no secret that I want to be a Victoria's Secret Angel. I can only think of one reason why I wasn't strutting down that runway on Tuesday and that's because I'm only 5ft 7" right. If I was an inch taller I'm positive some modelling agency would have snapped me up years ago because please, my bum has actually been described as "heavenly". That's a genuine quote, I swear.

So anyway, the annual VS fashion show was held for the first time in London this year and ngl the pictures look pretty sick. My two reasons for why Victoria's Secret is so successful are as follows; firstly who doesn't like lingerie, secondly who doesn't find the idea of lingerie that makes you become an Angel irresistible? Anyone? Anyone not wanna be an Angel?

Yeah, didn't think so.

Victoria's Secret don't just put on a show, it's a full blown spectacle and I for one cannot wait to watch it in full.This is one hell of a marketing technique. A VS product acts as a pathway into a new world, their world, where we all strut around in bras made of diamonds and have wings sprouting from our backs. Those bra's aren't just bras, they're an ascension up to heaven. Just like the Little Mermaid wishing she was where the people were, I wanna be where the Angels are with their, what do they call them? Wiiiiiiings.

So bravo Victoria's Secret, atm you are top of the leader board on my list of brands with the best marketing techniques ever. I will continue to follow you on twitter and instagram, subscribe to your youtube videos and browse your website regularly.

Hipster in Chester

My little sister Eve has recently discovered thrift shopping, and let me just tell you, she could pretty much be a pro.

Her outfit in the picture is a genius combination of a ballet summer school t-shirt, a jacket she bought from some crazy shop in Chester where everything is £1, and an American Apparel skirt she "fished" from a friend. Apparently "fishing" is something you do to get rid of unwanted stuff and gain other peoples cast-offs. Waste not want not works well at boarding school I guess...

Anyway, taking inspiration from my baby sis, lets talk about making the best of a bad situation. Take me for example, I've pretty much ran out of money until pay day so roll on Friday, and the Friday after, and the one after that...
I've become very accustomed to being frivolous with my money (probs why I'm in this sitch) so I'm finding this HARD. My heart breaks at the thought of that pink crop top still hanging up in River Island rather than my wardrobe but I'll get by - I'll tell you how.

Basically, I already have loads of clothes. I think every girl probably has roughly ten times the amount of clothes she thinks on account of the fact that only a tiny fraction of her wardrobe ever sees the light of day. I'm going to bring out those clothes I haven't worn in ages purely because I like shiny new things. My Barbie t-shirt is a prime example of something I've only worn once! And what about those oversized t-shirts I bought 3 for £5 in the summer? Yepp, I'd forgotten about them all. Imma draw on my art student creativity to style new outfits using old clothes. Being thrifty can be almost as fun as buying new clothes... almost..

THE BIGGER THE BETTER

You can always rely on Nelly Furtado for words of wisdom because really I can think of lots of things that are better when bigger; hoops obv, but also jumpers. I love a good jumper, doesn't everyone love a good jumper?
If you can see through the smears on the mirror, the oversized burgundy sweatshirt in the picture is a recent purchase from H&M and can currently boast favourite child status. The intention was probably for it to be worn with trousers, however I bought a couple of sizes larger then usual so I could wear it as a jumper dress. You see I don't like to cover my legs up more than necessary. So thanks Nelly, deffo a case of bigger the better here.

But alas, sometimes shops don't understand a girls needs. I mean, I don't always want to wear something fitted! Sometimes I want to be lost in a mass of material, to bury my (very sensitive to the cold) hands in my dangling sleeves, have the option of inviting a friend to join me in my clothes on particularly cold days, that kind of thing, y'know? When women's wear doesn't offer up a solution to such wants you have to seek advice from a different source ---> Oh hey Jessie J! We be doing it like a dude with you girl; let's head to men's wear.
Here jumpers are comfy and shapeless and tend not to have slightly nauseating slogans scrawled across them in swirly writing. Although I usually consider myself slightly above establishments such as Primark I love their men's jumpers which are usually piled high in all different colours and levels of cosiness.
Basically, as a gal who's all for gender equality I no longer see the boundaries between men's and women's wear. Yes we'll have equal pay and wear the same clothes as well hurray.

Pink Coated Consumer

Coat, Newlook

I wanna tell the world about a friend of mine,
this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
I'm gonna take you to a better time,
I'm gonna talk about my new coat if you don't mind.
I was 18 years old, when you and I left Newlook,
harsh winter gave me a cold,
but you wrapped me up, warmed my very soul.

...Okay I think I should stop with that now. Shout out and also apologies to Kanye for defacing his lyrics, all hail King Kanye etc etc.

But seriously my coat. I wasn't sure I believed in love until I spotted it hanging there in Newlook. I threw off the black fur beauty which I had been admiring and ran towards MY coat - because I knew right away that it belonged to me - arms out stretched, tongue lolling, you get the picture. Roughly ten minutes later I was gliding home wearing it. To this day I am unaware how much it cost, but really can you put a price on happiness? I'm a material girl and definitely not ashamed to admit that acquiring some beautiful new item of clothing can bring me happiness, this coat is truly evidence of that. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven, but when I woke up I spent that on a necklace (so so sorry Kanye) and really is there anything wrong with that?

We live in a world consumed by possessing things. You've got to earn money to live and doesn't owning nice things make life just a little bit better? I look like a Queen in my coat; I love wearing it with my hair sky high, hoops dangling from my ears and my pink Pumas on my feet. What I love most is that I earned all these things. That coat probably cost me a good fourteen hours wandering round a freezing warehouse but it sure as hell feels good to wear it now. My friends tell me I'm the worst at saving money but the truth is I love spending. Do you get that slightly sadistic thrill as you type in your pin? Yes I may have spend a weeks wages but in return I got a coat (aka new best friend), a pack of M&S pants (the best for essentials hun), and quality time with my mum over a meal at Handmade Burger Co. See, my mamma doesn't try to get through to me because she knows if I'm buying myself Louis V she probs gawn receive some soon too.